Celebrate Moms!
Happy Mother’s Day to all mothers: new mothers, grandmothers, godmothers, foster mothers, stepmothers, mothers to be, animal mothers, mothers of twins, triplets and more, as well as dads who are playing both roles. It’s important work: caring for, nurturing and teaching the young - not to mention all the other jobs it entails: being a nurse, cook, chauffeur, house cleaner, cheerleader, counselor and disciplinarian. Moms simply don’t get enough credit!
We honored my mom, Marjory Panetti, at her Celebration of Life just last month. She died at 901/2. She lived a great life. And 90 is a good run … but still, I miss her a lot. I often think of places I want her to see, people I wish she could meet and stories I’d love to share. For most of us, the hole it leaves will never quite be filled. She’s the one person who loves and believes in you, no matter what.
I’m not sure I can encapsulate my mom in a few paragraphs. So, let me just say that I’m blessed to have grown up with a mother who was kind hearted and loving, creative, interesting and interested, super smart, fun, funny, supportive, and someone who valued others. As a mom, although she wasn’t always happy with my choices, she did love and appreciated me for who I was. And never stopped saying how proud she was of me. Until the end she consistently pointed out my positive traits rather than focusing on the negative ones.
My mom was the kind of person who loved meeting new people and was accepting of them all. She had a special place in her heart for artists, people in need and those who looked at the world a little differently. Plus, she always loved my friends - and they her. Many of them adopted her as their own! It’s a testament to who she was that nearly 70 people showed up for her life celebration. When she died she was well in the grips of dementia and only lived in Portland the last 10 years. But her challenged mental capacity didn’t stop people from seeing her spirit! Somehow that always came through.
She enjoyed acting silly and knew how to lighten the mood. In fact, her incredible sense of humor stands out above all else. Spending an afternoon laughing and having fun with other people was her favorite thing to do. Every year when The Wizard of Oz came on TV she would practice being the Wicked Witch of the West melting on the kitchen floor in front of my giggling grade school friends. She’d also come up with a variety of crazy characters with her acting pals and do skits just for kicks. Even though the frivolity was only shared with those in the room at the time, if you saw it, the creative silliness stuck in your mind forever. And she could always find the fun in the mundane. One day, I came home to find her, and longtime friend Kiki, laughing hysterically in the kitchen. They were going through the local phone book making fun of names and advertisements. She could always put a humorous lens on everyday things. In later years, mom and her friend Robert made up book titles for actors: Merde!, 1001 Adlibs to Memorize, In the Moment and Out of Work and Not on my Stage You Don’t! Just to name a few.
She had a serious side too, of course. And was involved in many organizations over the years to try and improve the state of the world; serving on the Library Board, League of Women Voters, Community Players and supporting causes that helped the less advantaged. She was also a great person to talk to when things were down.
I’m especially grateful for the values she taught me, mostly by example. In particular:
Acceptance of all kinds of people
Appreciation for artists and the arts in general
Compassion
Curiosity
Giving back to the community
Joy and light heartedness
Love and kindness are what matters most
And remembering to brush my teeth
Even in her final years, as she slipped further away, she continued to teach. I learned patience, understanding and respect for someone suffering from the cruelties of dementia. Until the end, she delighted in what we called the three P’s: Poetry, Popcorn and Peanut Butter. (But for the record she also loved People, Playfulness and Politics.)
I know she was ready to release the body that did not do what she wanted it to do and the mind that trapped her. She is free and happy now and will always live in my heart.
I’ll leave you with the review she wrote me for my new book, Spontaneous Revolutions: Seeing America One Pedal at a Time
Here’s the link to the website if you want to see it for yourself! https://www.lizamcquade.com/
“Dear Readers:
This is mom ... Liza McQuade's mother. Let's be clear ... I'm not at all biased about this subject. This is a terrific book! You should buy it immediately and tell all your friends!
If you don't .... You'll be sent to your room and will have to do the dishes for a whole year!”
– Marjory P
